As I spent most of my life not being aware that I steered clear of certain things or what those things were, I also had no idea of the subtlety of the avoidance process and how I was steering clear of things.
Once I understood the how, I also found my own answers and guidelines on how to free myself from this and give myself more freedom to act as I wished.
Social media is full of tips on how to become happier and more successful. And most of these tips make it sound so easy and so obvious that you could almost get an inferiority complex if you find them more difficult to implement. Ring true?
What I offer is not a quick fix or an easy solution. I offer a solution that will make you feel less worthless and enable you to find your own path. Because my guidelines will enable you to find YOUR OWN answers in yourself, just as I found my answers in myself. They will enable you to find your own unique path; a path in which each step will offer you a valuable learning opportunity. Not easy, but very special, valuable and with results.
I’ll make this more concrete with an example about myself.
In my last post I described how I steer clear of making mistakes, from doing half a job, from not performing well, from opening myself to criticism about myself or my work etc., but that doing so doesn’t make me happy or successful. I’ll give you an example of how I steered clear (I’ve got loads of ways of doing so).
Put simply, my perfectionism is (was) getting in the way of my happiness and success. But following the general tips and tricks on social media on how to become happier and more successful wouldn’t help me one little bit! And do you know why? Because I would apply the tips and tricks in the same old perfectionist way.
Meaning, for example, that I would spend much too much time and energy on one task. After all, doing things by half is my ‘no-go’ area. And because all the tips, tricks and tasks are all as important as each other, I would have to work long and hard to implement them all in my own perfectionist way. That would eat into my free time, my energy, my health and, by extension, my happiness. So nothing would change.
My path to more happiness and success meant moving away from my perfectionism. So no more avoiding my ‘no-go’ areas…for example by daring to accept that something may not be good enough….
In this way I create space for myself to choose: I don’t need to take on all the tips, tricks and tasks at once, just choosing one is good enough. And accept that working on just one is good enough and lies within my abilities to deal with. And realise that I don’t need to complete the task to the very highest standard (in order to prevent it not being good enough) but can take it a bit easier and just see how it goes. I can always go back and change things later. In other words, experiment. I’ve discovered that, in contrast to perfectionism, experimenting brings me success (and pleasure). But to give myself the space to experiment, I needed to let go of my perfectionism.
I’m curious: how does this work with you?
In my previous post, I summarised what the other 8 types steer clear of. I’d love to hear from you about what you’ve discovered about yourself and how you steer clear of your ‘no-go’ areas. Just as in my example.
Share your thoughts in the comment box below.
By the way, this post was an experiment. I’d therefore love to hear whether anything struck you about it and what you thought of it.
And THANK YOU for the time you have invested in reading my blog and reacting to it.
To your personal growth!